A Thirty Something Dates

Day Three: Something You Have to Forgive Yourself For

2010-10-17T15:31:00.000-07:00

I am a perfectionist. In fact, I will admit to having OCD when it comes to a lot of things in my life. When I screw something up or the end results are not what I want them to be, I dwell on it forever. I berate myself for being an idiot, who can't ever do things right. When I have a bad day at work, I feel like an incompetent fool who can't do her job to save her life. When my house isn't spotless, I feel like a slob who can't get it together. If someone comes over to my house and I don't have appetizers and beverages to offer, I feel like a failure. If my outfit isn't just right, I feel ugly and inadequate. The list goes on and on.

I need to forgive myself for not being perfect. I need to stop trying so damn hard to be perfect. I need to accept my flaws and realize that my friends are much more understanding and not as judgmental as I imagine them to be. Because they are (understanding) and they're not judgmental. It is me, it is my own messed up head that dwells on the negative. Somebody get me out of my head, would ya?

So, self, I am sorry, you are not perfect. Apology accepted?

Day Two: Something I Love About Myself

2010-10-15T08:26:00.000-07:00

I can say this with my head held high..... I love that I am FIERCELY independent. I have been on my own my whole life. I don't mean without friends or family, I have those and love and cherish them dearly, yes. What I mean is I have always been an "I" and never a "We".

Sure, it gets lonely. It is hard when you go out to eat with all your couple friends and you are the only one not splitting the bill with someone- for some reason this is when I always really notice that I am single. It sucks when you are trying to set up a Christmas tree all by yourself (seriously, try that sometime, not a one person job). It is hard to move furniture up and down the stairs by yourself. It is annoying when you are the one who has to clean, cook and mow the lawn on your weekends.

BUT..... I love that I don't have to check in with someone when I make a decision. Sure, not all my decisions are wise or healthy, but I have nobody to blame but myself. I made the choice. If I decide at 10:00 p.m. on a Friday night that I want to drive to Vermont for the weekend, I can do it. I don't have to worry about what someone has to do or what they want to do. This is a good feeling.

I love that I moved to Oregon by myself and found a home and a job all by myself. And when the time came, I packed my car and drove back East all by myself.

I love that I am successful in my career and that I own my home and nobody else contributed to these things. I did it on my own.

This girl takes care of herself- because who else will?

Day One: Something You Hate About Yourself

2010-10-13T18:16:00.000-07:00

Well geesh, I could go with the obvious. I hate that I gained back all of the weight (plus a little more, if I am being completely honest) that I lost five years ago. I hate that I can't seem to stick to a work out routine. I hate that I can eat a gallon of Ben and Jerry's while watching an episode of Glee and not even notice that. But come on.... all that is too obvious.

What I really hate is that sometimes I have no filter. I react with my emotions and not my brain. I say things that later, when I reflect back on it, I really, really wish I hadn't said.

I hate that other times I never say what I really feel and instead bottle it up inside.

As I think about these two ideas, I realize that it really comes down to this:

I hate that I care so much what other people think of me.

And with that, I am not going to say anything else because I want you to still like me.

30 Days of Truth

2010-10-13T17:53:00.000-07:00

I've seen this going around on different blogs and thought it might get me back to blogging. Thirty topics, thirty posts. We'll see how it goes. Some seem to me like I might just be repeating myself, so I may skip a few here and there. It is a start though in terms of getting me writing again and I have been missing that.

1. Something you hate about yourself.
2. Something you love about yourself.
3. Something you have to forgive yourself for.
4. Something you have to forgive someone else for.
5. Something you hope to do in your life.
6. Something you hope you never have to do in your life.
7. Someone who has made your life worth living for.
8. Someone who has made your life hell.
9. Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.
10. Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.
11. Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
12. Something you never get compliments on.
13. A band or artist who has gotten you through some tough ass days (write a letter)
14. A hero that has let you down (letter)
15. Someone or something you couldn't live without it (you have tried to live without it)
16. Someone or something you could definitely live without
17. A book you've read that changed your views on something.
18. Your views on gay marriage
19. Your views on religion or politics
20. Your views on drugs and alcohol
21. (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two just got into a fight an hour ago. What do you do?
22. Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.
23. Something you wish you had done in your life.
24. Make a playlist for someone and why you chose those songs.
25. The reason you believe you're still alive today
26. Have you ever thought about giving up on life? Is so, when and why?
27. What is the best thing going for your right now?
28. If you were pregnant right now, what would you do?
29. Something you hope to change about yourself and why?
30. A letter to yourself. Tell yourself everything you love about yourself.

Serious Drought

2010-10-04T05:54:00.000-07:00

Well folks, it has been a LONG ASS time since I have blogged. Why, you may ask? Well I took a serious hiatus from the dating realm. I just was having a hard time with going on lots of bad dates or going on a pretty decent date and then being rejected. This dating thing is freaking excrutiating, let me tell you.

But then I realized, sitting at home not dating, hasn't really made my situation any better now has it? Last night I spend over an hour filling out Eharmony's ninety million questions. I haven't actually subscribed. I am going to think about it for a few days before I commit to a three month membership.

Am I ready for this again?

Always Go With Your Gut Instincts

2010-04-21T15:08:00.000-07:00

So take two didn't quite pan out. I knew the moment I saw him face to face it wasn't going to work out and was tempted to just say, "No thanks" and jump back in my car, but I thought "hey, give the guy a chance".

Ugh.

He is bitter. Whiny. And did I mention he is 44 and unemployed. Oh yes, he has been out of work for the past four months so he can ski. Ski! Really? Sure at 24 this makes sense. But 44? Really? Dude, grow up and get a fucking job. Sorry, but come on- 44 and a ski bum? I can't handle that.

Now I know. Always go with your gut. And if your gut tells you he's a loser, he's probably a loser.

Take Two

2010-04-17T04:13:00.000-07:00

A while back I had met this guy on match and we had made plans to go out for a couple of drinks. He called me the night before and bailed on our date, saying he had been working late days all week and was really tired and didn't think he was up to it. I was kind of pissed off for all of about five seconds and then thought to myself, whatever. So the night of our planned date I went out and bought myself some clothes (because that's what I do) and let it go. I get home to find like three messages from him- he had gotten out of work early and wanted to go out. He called my cell phone twice and my home phone once and left me an email. His email was to the tune of "What the fuck, I left three messages?". So I responded with, "Dude, we had plans, you cancelled, I made new plans. End of story." And I left it at that.

Over the past few months I have received random emails from this guy from time to time. A picture. A comment. Even a poem once. I never really responded to any of them, but it was kind of nice knowing someone was thinking of me. Then after my boring letdown date with McArty I emailed him back with a "hey, let's get together sometime."

He called me last night and we talked for 45 minutes. It was actually a pretty good conversation. I was pretty funny, if I do say so myself. And it was comfortable, natural. So we have plans to do something tonight.

Here's to second chances.

Arty McLetdown

2010-04-14T05:44:00.000-07:00

So Arty McArty and I finally had our second date last weekend. And alas, it was, as the title of this post suggests, a bit of a letdown. It was like hanging out with a colleague and at the end of the day thinking, "that wasn't bad as I thought it was going to be."

We were friendly, conversation was just fine, but that was it. It was just.... fine. Nothing to get excited about. No desire to call him, no "I can't wait to see him again" feelings, none of that. I have never jumped out of a car so fast in my life. I sensed there was a leaning in for the kiss starting to happen and so I quickly turned my head and thanked him and darted out of the car all in about a matter of 2.2 seconds. Seriously, I could have won an award for "Quickest Getaway Exit" ever.

Huh, wonder why he hasn't called me?

Sometimes I am Kind of An Idiot

2010-04-02T05:53:00.001-07:00

I was supposed to have a date with Artie McArty* this Saturday, but alas, I am not. See, McArty is in Italy right now and when he said, "Let's definitely do something the Saturday I get back," I assumed he meant this Saturday. Yeah, he does not get home until Sunday evening and so Saturday actually means NEXT Saturday.

This is me kicking myself. D'oh!

*Not his actual name.

Hope on the Horizon

2010-03-14T07:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon I had yet another date. We met at a coffee shop and grabbed a coffee and then decided to walk along the river. 8 miles later I decided that I might like this guy. Conversation was good, he is smart, we seemed to have a lot in common. I have a big ol' blister on my left foot due to me wearing my Converse sneakers and not something a little more sensible for walking 8 miles, but I am thinking the blister might be worth it. After the walk, we stopped at the bar and had a beer.

Guess what? He had a stout. Now that's what I am talking about. No PBR for this guy.

Conversation got a little tougher once inside, but that happens, right? It wasn't bad.... it just had that "first date" feel to it. A little more Q&A rather than just talking. There was no hug or kiss at the end, but that's okay, we've got plans for later this week.

Waving the White Flag, for God's Sake

2010-03-13T08:14:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I had a date with a guy from Match. Before the date we had connected on facebook and again, the red flags were up. He was going through a divorce, (yes, I know, I am a SLOW learner with this divorce issue) and had just split up with the wife. He publicized the break-up process via facebook.

I should have known.

But, slow learner that I am, I thought to myself, well maybe that's how some people deal. They put it all out there and hope that their friends pull them through.

I should have known.

So, we had plans to meet at the bar when I got off work. One of my friends was at the bar (I did not plan this, I swear, I didn't) and she called me and told me, "He's not your type. Seriously, I can see this just by looking at him." But I thought, I'll give it a shot. I wasn't going to stand the guy up, that would not be right. This blind date stuff is hard going. You can't just stand someone up. So I headed down and met him.

I know, I know. You shouldn't judge a person by appearance. Or by the beers they drink. But when you put the two together, they reveal a lot about a person. This guy? Pabst Blue Ribbon and a NASCAR t-shirt. Are you getting the picture? So yes, red flags numbers two and three were planted firmly in the ground.

And then the way he kept staring at me. Not lovingly, not looking me in the eyes, but that creepy "I'm checking you out. Doesn't that turn you on?" kind of staring. I had to ask him to stop, that's how bad it was.

It was a short date, I bailed early. Why waste my time? I sent him an email (after three texts from him the next day) and tried to break it off gently. He proceeded to post three different status updates on facebook saying, "Alone again. So sick of being single" and "My life is like a bad country song." and then the kicker.... "Hard to keep your chin up when people keep knocking you down."

Can you say "Unfriend"?

So here I sit on this Saturday afternoon, about to jump in the shower and get ready for yet another blind date. I am waving my white flag. Please, please let this one be promising.

Red Flags All Around

2010-02-22T16:05:00.001-08:00

Last week my dear friend from way back when (8th grade to be exact) set me up with a guy from her work. She warned me that he was just getting out of a relationship, but didn't give me any other details. What she failed to mention was that he was three months out of a 12 YEAR relationship. 12 YEARS!!! And two kids. So, that was red flag number one. Red flag number two? Favorite bands? Guns n Roses and Iron Maiden. Now, don't get me wrong. I love me some G n Fn R, but favorite band? Not quite. Red flag number three? His "favorite past time"? Smoking pot and watching a good adventure/action movie.

Later on in the evening we met up with some other friends and one of the women pulled my friend (the one who set us up) into the bathroom and was like, "What the hell are you thinking?" My dear friend looked at her blankly and said, "What?" Friend #2 responded with, "Ummm.... she's intellectual. And he........ is not"

Enough said.

I have a new guy lined up for Friday night. Keep you posted

This is Fun?

2010-01-26T07:21:00.000-08:00

Whoever said dating is fun?

This is work. It is hard making a good, lasting first impression. Choosing what to wear, fretting about how you look, what you will say, will you kiss, does he think I am funny, does he think I am funny looking, am I flirting? Is he flirting? Am I talking too much about myself? Do I look like I am really interested in what he is saying? It is all so draining.

And then you go through that whole roller coaster and he doesn't call you back.

And then you question your self-worth. Why doesn't he like me? Am I not pretty enough? Not skinny enough? Where did I go wrong? What is wrong with me?

This is not good for the self-confidence, I tell you.

Thanks Buddy

2010-01-24T17:50:00.000-08:00

So I went out with the professor last night. I thought everything was going well. Good flowing conversation, no awkward pauses or uncomfortable silences. Smiles, laughing, good times, right? I may have let the fact that I watch American Idol slip into the conversation at one point. He picked up on it, but I thought all was well. I think I kind of liked this guy. He was cute. So cute. Sweet smile. Great eyes.

And then as we were walking to our cars, he turned and said "thanks, I had a great time" and shook my freaking hand. A handshake? What the hell is that? I got the "thanks, buddy" vibe from the handshake. He did say he would like to do something again, but as of yet, nothing. No phone call.

Ugh. Why do I do this to myself?

Awww Yeah

2010-01-20T04:54:00.000-08:00

So I called him. We have plans for Saturday night. Just so you know, I hate talking on the phone to someone I have never met. What the hell do you say? Reiterate info. already discussed in your emails? No thanks. Tell him my entire life story, "so I was born...."? He was good though. Twelve minute conversation (not that I was counting or anything). We made plans, quick small talk and that was was that. I like this. Liked his phone voice. Upbeat, light and friendly. I am looking forward to Saturday night and will definitely give an update. Now..... what to wear? I need to go shopping, god, help me. I hate first dates. The anticipation, the fact that I suck at flirting, the potential for it to fall flat on its face. I know, I know, there is also the potential for it to work out, but the risk of failure is so daunting. Argh, why do I do this to myself? Oh right, because I am thirty something and sick of being single, that's why.

On the Horizon

2010-01-17T07:41:00.000-08:00

I have been emailing a new guy from Match. He is smart, and I mean smart. His emails are always long and well-written and I would be lying if I didn't say that turned me on. I love a man with a big vocabulary. I gave him some not so subtle hints about "when we meet" and he didn't seem to pick up on them. So then I bit the bullet and just came right out and asked him if he would like to get together sometime. He emailed me back with his phone number. Now I just have to get up the courage to call him and ask him out. God, I hate this part.

Hiatus

2010-01-13T09:18:00.000-08:00

So..... where the heck have you been?

Last post more than a month ago. See how fascinating my love life has been?

I actually did go on a couple of dates during this time. Needless to say, it did not quite pan out.

Sometimes I feel like a Seinfeld episode. What was wrong with him you ask? Well, let's see. He had long fingernails. Seriously long fingernails. As in creepy, vampire nails. (Not that I don't mind a certain good looking vampire whose name rhymes with Smedward Smullen, but puh-lease! long fingernails on a guy are gross). And on his way to my house he called three times for directions. Three times. Dude, mapquest. Not hard.

Really, these things push me over the edge.

Then, he told me he wanted to respect my independence and give me space and all that and then in the very same breath asked me what I was doing the next day. Umm..... that is not space. So yeah, we didn't go on date number three.

Back to good ol' match.

Out of My Leauge?

2009-12-11T09:12:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this story requires a back story. See last spring I met this guy at the gym, let's call him Todd. Now Todd was a good looking guy in the "I work out every day of my life" kind of sense. He is what some may call a "gym rat". Now, I need to make it real clear that I do not view the gym as a place to meet people. I look at the gym as a place to go and work out and sweat my ass off, imagine that! I do not look pretty when I am working out. I sweat in weird spots (under my boobs, back sweat, etc) and I huff and puff and things jiggle that shouldn't necessarily be jiggling. So yeah, the chances of someone asking me out on a date at the gym are slim to none. But lo and behold, Todd did. See he was trying to get women to join so martial arts class he was teaching, so he started the conversation by asking me if I wanted to take the class. This quickly led to him asking me if I was single, (ya know the natural progression of a conversation.... wanna take a martial arts class? are you single?). I said no and he then asked me if I would like to give him my phone number. I thought why not? and so wrote my number down for him, thinking heck, he might be good for a little something, something at the very least.

Todd called a couple of times and I just couldn't get myself excited about going out with him and so kept making excuses. When he said to me, "Well, I think you're wicked hot," I knew there was no way in hell Todd and I were going to go on a date. Who says that? Is that a compliment? Really?

SOOOO.... getting to the point. I am now on a few dating web sites and who should pop up? You got it? Good ol' Todd. He emailed me once saying we should get together, not even realizing it was me I think. I did not respond. This morning I get another email from Todd. Subject line..... "What's Your Deal?"

He proceeds to ask me what my deal is and why I haven't responded. Is it because I think he is out of my league? 'Scuse me? Oh buddy....... out of my league? Really? My league consists of people who actually realize that "I think you're wicked hot" isn't exactly romance. In my league people know that gonna isn't a word, neither is hafta. In my league, people get the hint when someone isn't interested. Sure, yes, I think you are not in my league.

What Is This All About?

2009-12-11T08:26:00.000-08:00

Hello- I'm a single gal in my mid-thirties who has ventured into the "magical" world of online dating. Online dating is comical, fun, humiliating, and sometimes downright degrading and what better thing to do with all these hugely personal moments, but share them with a bunch of strangers?

I hope you enjoy......